Please Stop Touching My Stuff, But Also Thank You For The Dishes

Holiday joy doesn’t have to come with a meltdown. We open up about how to survive loud rooms, heavy schedules, and high expectations while living with chronic illness or limited energy. From early meal prep to quiet “time-out” routines, we share the small moves that make the season easier, calmer, and genuinely more fun.

We get practical about pacing: pies baked the day before, casseroles assembled ahead, and a simple oven timeline that stops last-minute chaos. We talk about stocking easy snacks, accepting help even when it’s not your way, and using tools like a toaster oven to spread the load. Caregivers get a strategy too—turn leftovers into complete frozen plates so a balanced meal is always within reach.

Overstimulation has a plan. We lean on box breathing, short walks, headphones, and a designated safe room to reset the nervous system. We also name the tough stuff: boundary pushback, PTSD triggers, and the relatives who just don’t get it. You’ll hear clear scripts to protect your energy without picking a fight, reminders that your body’s needs are valid, and proof that consistent boundaries create more energy for real connection. The theme is simple: choose peace, protect your spoons, and keep the love.

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Keep your spoons close and support system closer.

Chapters

• 0:17 Framing Holiday Survival
• 1:03 Pacing And Early Meal Prep
• 3:35 Timing Ovens, Snacks, And Spoons
• 6:58 Timeouts For Overstimulation
• 11:01 Breathing, Reframing, And Perspective
• 14:11 Caregiver Leftovers And Meal Trays
• 17:05 Germs, Safe Rooms, And Reset Routines
• 20:59 Honesty, PTSD Triggers, And Support
• 24:53 When Family Doesn’t Get It

Transcript

SPEAKER_02: 0:09

Welcome back to my Spoony Sisters. Today you have myself, Andy, and Lania. We are here to talk about surviving the holidays and all things that go along with that. So with no further ado, good morning. Good morning. Good morning. We have so many events, many holiday parties, family get-togethers, all these things that come up through November and December. Let's talk about how we survive them, how we get through all of these experiences.

SPEAKER_00: 0:45

Experiences is one way to describe it. That's definitely a way to describe it. I love this topic. Holidays are hard. How do I survive the holidays? A lot of pacing, pacing and preparation. I try not to set myself up for a spiral. So I do a majority of the cooking and I start early. It's one of the things I learned from my grandma. I start early so that I don't spiral the day of when everything needs to be in the oven. But I it's all about pacing yourself. Everything doesn't have to be done right now. When we try to do everything right now, we kind of go ham. And then like the littlest thing sets us off and we're in tears. So I try not to be in tears a lot.

SPEAKER_02: 1:27

How about you, Lania?

SPEAKER_01: 1:28

I kind of do the same thing Andy does. My mother-in-law is the one that showed me all her tips on prepping ahead of time, cooking the turkey. I do all my pies ahead of time. Like, and that has saved so much energy. But I also my family knows if I say I need 15 minutes just to go lay down, just a quick refresh, they know I need it to keep going throughout the day. So I think chronic illness people need to be able to be honest with their families and say, hey, I need a little break from all the commotion. I it's overstimulating, trigger me, whatever it is that you're feeling. Let your family know ahead of time. That would be my biggest tip. Prepping for food, meal prep other meals also. If you're having families over, meal prep other meals so you're not having to eat out all the time or cook all the time. So that's kind of what I do around the holidays, especially if we have a lot of company coming.

SPEAKER_02: 2:24

What about you? It's a time of having family over, right? And like both of you, for me, it's about pacing. My husband does a majority of the cooking, but there are tasks that I'm involved in and my mother-in-law is involved in too. And it it definitely starts the day before. A lot of us make pies the day before is so much easier. My mom did that when I was a kid. We prep the green bean casserole the day before, keep it in the fridge, it's ready to go. It's all about thinking about the the timing, right? We all have to think about the different timings that things need to go in the oven, or we also have a toaster oven that we utilize. But it's about figuring out the timing, how it's going to work, and utilizing the spoons that we have, taking breaks and rests too. But like both of you said, it's planning ahead. What are the snacks and the things we need during this time so that we're not having to go eat out or make something extravagant? We don't need more leftovers in the fridge.

SPEAKER_00: 3:25

That's true. So, what is your go-to method when you're overstimulated? What is your timeout method for you? Either one of you.

SPEAKER_02: 3:34

I actually leave the room. I leave the room. When we're at relatives' houses, there's a family room and a living room. I go to the family room, take give myself a timeout. A lot of times my brother-in-law and maybe even my son-in-law might be in the other room. We just kind of sit there and and watch parades or games or a movie with my nephew. I have to walk away from the loud and and all the crazy going on in the kitchen. Because when you get our families together, we get loud. And there's a lot of laughing and playing and silly and dancing and music. And sometimes I just need a break. And so I go crash on the couch for a while. Maybe I start out watching a movie and then I pass out. What about you, Nelinia?

SPEAKER_01: 4:17

I will because we have a smaller home. So if it gets too hot, I will go outside and go for a walk. Or go sit on the porch and just get some fresh air. Um having a three-year-old grandchild run around screaming in the house. Then her own mother will join me, you know. Leave her with grandpa and daddy and uncle JJ. But that is what I do. I sometimes, if it's everybody's watching a game, watching a football game or playing a game, because we do a lot of board games, I might go lay down with Minnie on the bed and take a nap while she's watching a movie or something. But I always they're very pushy though. They will push me to the bedroom to lay down if they see that I'm tired. So I'm thankful for that.

SPEAKER_02: 5:03

But lucky.

SPEAKER_01: 5:05

Yes, I am very lucky and I'm blessed.

SPEAKER_00: 5:07

What about you, Andy? Andy starts her day off. So the thing about me is my goal all day long is to not be dysregulated. I can't control it. You know, a lot of the times there's things you can't control and you're dysregulated. But especially over the holidays, because I know that I am a very strategic person. And so if something gets kind of thrown out of whack, if I can't leave the room, because I will remove myself from the environment. But the people around me know Andy just disappeared. She needed a minute. They don't come look for me. They just wait for me to reintroduce myself into the environment. In the situations where I can't remove myself from the environment, I do a lot of box breathing. I do a lot of box breathing. I am here and the now, and this is temporary. This is temporary, and they don't get it. Whatever. But it's not, it's not even a matter of, am I trying to gaslight myself? It is me reminding myself this is temporary. Like this is a temporary experience that lasts for this particular day or these hours out of the day. And while I may be overstimulated or annoyed right now, the bigger messaging behind this is I'm looking at a room full of people that are my family. And it's some people have a really hard time getting their family together, born or created by friendships or whatever, getting their families in the same room. Just because I'm overstimulated doesn't mean that I'm gonna be the killjoy for the other people that decided that they wanted to spend these hours surrounded by me. I acknowledge that they stopped doing all of the outside things because they didn't want me to get sick and they started bringing these things to me. So some of my overstimulation is me because I'm used to it just being me, tinkering around my space. Some of my overstimulation is me, and I acknowledge that. So I do a lot of breathing and reminding myself they they came here for you to spend time with you, to protect you so that you're not out and about. You're annoyed because they're touching your stuff, and it's a lot of people touching your stuff at the same time. That's a you thing. That's a you thing, and I need you to breathe through it because they're also gonna wash dishes, which means they're touching your stuff. So I can't be super particular about what stuff they touch in my kitchen because I know that they're doing it to be helpful. It's just not the way I necessarily would do it.

SPEAKER_01: 7:27

I have a suggestion um for people that might be caregivers. If you have leftovers, plate them up in containers that are separated, but they can warm them up, or that you can freeze them for them, and then they have a whole meal, and it's usually all the things that they love. And so you can make up, because we did that for my parents, you can make up trays, several trays, and put some in the freezer. They can have leftovers, but then if they want a Thanksgiving meal in the middle of December, they can pull it out of the freezer, pop it in the microwave, and I know they had a balanced meal. So to the caregivers, think about things like that where you can use all your leftovers to prep for other meals for your parent or whoever you're caregiving for.

SPEAKER_00: 8:14

I love that. Come on, come on, knowledge. Okay.

SPEAKER_01: 8:19

Yeah, that uh it made me think of my you were saying something that made me think of my mom, and I'm like, oh my gosh, caregivers need to know how to prep. Like, this is a time where we have tons of leftovers. Yeah. It's the easiest time to meal prep for one individual or two. Like my parents didn't eat a ton, so you can make it stretch farther.

SPEAKER_02: 9:07

Well, and Andy, I think you brought up something really important too. You brought up people touching our things and doing things, and that is a tough one. I think they also need to acknowledge that if they're here and visiting us, then take the time to pay attention. Are you making a big mess? What are you what are you doing? You're here to visit, but you maybe find ways to help. So someone and sweet. I know. I know.

SPEAKER_00: 9:34

Andy doesn't like people touching her stuff because Andy is a germophobe. So as soon as you leave my house, I am trying to recall everything that you touched so I can wipe it down. You came in my house with from foreign germs. You may not have felt like you were sick, but you came into my home with foreign germs. I'm talking doorknobs, cabinet handles, all of the things. And I spend hours disinfecting all of the spaces I think people might have touched that I might touch. It I've gotten better. I've gotten better, but nursing made me the biggest germophobe. I know what breeds on common surfaces that people touch all the time. And in my mind, like that drives me nuts in the gym too. You're touching your face after you handled this volleyball. Do you know how many people touch this volleyball that probably didn't wash their hands? PE class, right? So that's what I think when I have people in my house. Like, how much stuff did you touch? And so I spiral a little bit. I do a lot of deep breathing and I'll do a lot of walking out. Yeah, I do a lot of walking out when I see that there's like a lot of people congregated touching stuff because now I can't remember who touched what. And if one person happens to sneeze in that congregation of people touching stuff, now I'm really freaked out. Um, it's like an it's not a good time for anyone. So then I go take a nap. Yeah, not a good time for anyone to include myself. I'm just stop touching it, stop touching it the whole time. Our bedroom and our master bathroom is off limits to guests.

SPEAKER_01: 11:07

Like that is my safe space to go. That part of the house has always been off limits to company, family, whatever, because then I have a quiet place I can go that I know nobody will be in. And if I need to just even go in the bathroom just to wash my face with a cold wash rack, I know nobody's gonna be in that bathroom. Sometimes you have to work around and do things that's gonna make your life a little easier. And I think over time we've learned that like what works for our family, what works for me, because what works for me works for different for you guys. So, but yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 11:40

I think, I think when I started being open with my family about that is overstimulating me, please knock it off. I was less when I was started to be more open, I was way less short and snippy with people because they understood it. I'm overstimulating her, let me chill. Um, and then it it was more, I'm calmer around you because I get it you're overstimulated. But once I was able to one own that myself to have the conversation with my friends and my family, I need you to not do that because I am on edge and I do not like it. And I want us to all have a good time, but I'm not having a good time, and here's why. They started to correlate different trauma points or points in my life where they could see that particular behavior was gonna overstimulate me. And it's it spills through all of my holidays. So I'm a war veteran. PTSD is all woven throughout my life, and so there are certain aspects of the holidays where you're doing too much and I have to remove myself from the situation. Everybody can watch the parades, they can do the things, but if there's shots fired or fireworks, I have to leave, right? I wanna I want you to enjoy the things, but I can't be in here. So if it's loud noise poppers and you guys want to play with nerf guns and whatever, I love that for you. But if it starts getting too real, I gotta go. But it started with me being able to have the conversation. Hey, this takes me back to a place I don't like. Can you not do that for them to have the understanding? Her battery's running low. She may need to go take a nap. Hey, do you need to go? And they started asking me more. Hey, do you need to go lay down? Hey, do you need a minute? Let's go for a walk. They would remove me from the situation before I had to remove myself from the situation. I think that's the beauty of being honest with yourself and the people around you. Hey, I struggle around this time of the holidays. I struggle with these aspects of the holiday. And I need more support getting through it when we're honest with ourselves and we can be honest with the people around us. The support that we need is there. They handle us with care and compassion because they genuinely want us to have a loving holiday, the same loving, caring holiday that they're having. They're just learning how to handle us through the holidays, right? Which kind of looks different when we're not in the holidays. We're not overly prepping for life as we are overly prepping condensed in a month for a holiday.

SPEAKER_02: 14:03

For listeners that feel that no matter how honest they are, they don't have support in their home. Do either of you have suggestions? Because I know that we get we get a lot of listeners that also are like, no matter how much I tell my husband, he doesn't get it. No matter how much I tell them what's going on with me, they all look at me like I'm lazy. So do either of you have advice?

SPEAKER_00: 14:28

Do. And it's probably gonna sound really harsh or extremely direct. Support starts with you. If that is your situation, support starts with you. And as hard as it sounds to hear, we teach people how to care for us by how we care for ourselves. We teach people how to show up for us by based off of how we show up for ourselves. So when we enforce boundaries and we don't stick to them, if our our boundaries are wiggle waggle, you know, and we say, I don't like this, but then we continuously allow it. If we never remove ourselves from the things that we don't like and we don't make it a habit to remove ourselves, the thing continues to happen, right? So your support, as much as we would we say, so and so abandoned me or they left me in my time of need, it starts with us, right? And the it's not all always abandonment. It's sometimes people are choosing peace. They're choosing peace because they don't know how to handle us. And in the care, the aspect that they're trying to give us may not work for us, but they're also not open to receiving a different way to communicate until they're open to receive that different way to communicate. Your peace and support has to start with you. You have to honor what your body needs, and it has to be habitual. Like you have to be a repeat offender of honoring what your body needs. The people around you, they'll get in on the same page, they'll notice she's not changing or he's not changing their their way. This this is it. I needed a break, I took a break. I need a reset, I took a reset. I'm done, I'm done. When I walk away, I walk away. We can re-engage when I'm in a when I can safely have this conversation. And it starts there with the boundary of, okay, you're not actively listening. This is what I needed, and you're not actively listening based off of your response. I no longer want to have a conversation. I told you what I needed, and now for me, I'm going to do what my body needs because if not, it's gonna sit me down for longer than I want it to. And you deserve a quality of life too. How about you, Linia? What are your what are your advice?

SPEAKER_01: 16:32

I mean, from somebody that is newly healing old traumas and going through a process, I'm starting to do things that you have suggested. And I have found that by me being honest with people and saying, look, I just need a step, I need to take a step back right now because my body is not happy. Something's going on. But it starts with just a simple conversation. Is that first conversation really hard? Yes. Like when I finally was able to be honest with my kids and my husband on what I needed over the last nine months, it was hard. But I will tell you, yesterday I had us had an issue with the doctor's office, which we all know can trigger us in all kinds of ways. And I'm talking to my husband, and he says, I can tell this is triggering you. How can I help? What can I do? And then when I got home, he gave me a hug and he goes, How are you feeling? Do you feel better that it's resolved and it's and I think it takes being honest with them and telling them what your triggers are, telling them what overwhelms you. Hey, it's too noisy in here when everybody's talking really loud. If we could just bring it down. Simple things can make our life so much easier, but it's so tiny to them if they if we explain it to them. What do you think? Did that help answer your question, Jim?

SPEAKER_02: 17:58

I think so. I think okay. I'm gonna chime in a little bit. Okay, yes, please. Because I know that there's also sometimes people in our lives that no matter what you say, no matter what you do, that's just who they are. And we have to find ways to make peace with that. And we have to like what Andy said, we need to do what we need to do for ourselves. And so that person could be anyone. It could be your spouse, it could be your children, it could be your parents, it could be your best friend. Try if you can to figure out how to separate all the things and the feelings and remember that you do love them in spite of and go back to taking care of yourself because that's the best thing that we can do. And if they don't like it, tough. If you don't like the fact that I need to walk out of this room, tough. If you don't like the fact that I don't want to go with you to the store today, tough. There's probably a reason I needed to be home.

SPEAKER_00: 18:55

That's valid. I always go to my my wheel of emotions because it accesses to root, right? And right, I'll go through the wheel because I as chronically ill people, we like to to play out conversations in our head before it even happens and we try to figure out how we're gonna respond. And I stopped doing that a long time ago. And so now I literally ask myself, if I if my answer was no and I feel like this is about to be a back and forth, and it does turn out to be a back and forth, I then pose the question, are we literally going back and forth because my body needs rest, and you don't think that my body needs rest? And then I just get quiet. I need you to think about why we're going back and forth. You're gonna tell me how I feel in my body right now, and that my body doesn't need something, and we're gonna go back and forth because you live in this skin suit, right? Because you went to the doctor's appointments all of them, and I wasn't there because you went there, because you have to take the medications. When you start to word it that way, when you pause them and you go, so we're going through this whole negotiation process about me saying, me enforcing a boundary. Okay, I'm sorry. Are you showing up at my next doctor's appointment when I can't function? Are you gonna take the pokes, the the lab draws, the medications? Are you? Or are you gonna say you're always at the doctor because I decided that I was gonna go and do this thing that my body told me to take a break from? So it's it's it's a catch 22. Are you gonna tell me that I'm always at the doctor, always sick because I never sit down, but I never sit down because you always want me to do? Or are you gonna tell me I'm not doing enough, which is why I'm always on the go, but it's also why I'm always not feeling well and always at the doctor. Today I choose me. Today I choose me, since you're not gonna be at the appointments for me and you're not gonna take the medications for me. My body is screaming and I choose me. When you word it that way, even for yourself, for whomever's listening, when you're trying to make a reason out of something that's just asinine, asinine request of you physically. Ask those questions to yourself and to whomever. Are you literally telling me you know what my body is going through more than I know what my body is going through right now? Because that's crazy. Ouch, did you feel that? It's my knee pain. You didn't feel it because you're over here skipping.

SPEAKER_01: 21:17

It makes such a difference when we are so honest with them. I can't get tell people enough. Just being honest with my husband has made I mean, our marriage was strong to begin with, but it's made it stronger these last few months because I am telling him everything my body's doing now. Yes, ugly. Yep. And even when I think I'm hiding, he's like, You're not hiding. I can see it. My kids can see it. So why hide it from them if they can see it? So I just started being honest with them and it it has made it easier. But it's hard to be honest with them.

SPEAKER_00: 21:54

I won't say it's not easy. No, it's it's rough because you're like the bad guy. The first first couple times out the gate, you're just looking to pick a fight. The first couple times out the gate, you don't want to do you're looking to pick a fight. By time number five, they start to get it. They start to get it because by time number 10, you have way more energy. You have way more energy in messing your stuff, and then they're starting to see it. They're like, oh, I get it. Why? Because you said no and you stuck to your no, you actually got to conserve spoons, which allows you to do more fun stuff for longer. But they they don't get it right away. It's a it's a habit stacking thing. The boundary of it, that's a habit stacking thing. When you say no, literally mean no, and then have your my survival kit. This is my I'm chilling and I'm not moving from right here kit. And you you take care of you. And when they see that you, you're no meant, I literally need to care for me. If that meant I need to take a nap and I'm gonna take that nap, or I need to lay on this couch and doodle because I don't have the energy to do anything else, but my body needs a break. Okay, I sit on my couch and do a lot of doodling in silence just because my body needs to break and my family gets it. It's not that I don't want to interact. Sometimes I'm mind tired and I just lay there with my eyes closed. I'm not sleepy. I'm just laying there because my mind is tired. Sometimes my body's tired. They'd be like, oh, mom's on the chase. Yep. They'll they'll live around me. They'll have whole conversations and I'll lay there, headphones on. I'll get a tap. You need a snack? No, I'm good. Headphones will come off, and then I'll be back interacting. I just needed a minute, and I appreciate you for respecting the fact that I needed a minute. They didn't always do that. I started putting headphones on so I can ignore them needing me when I needed a minute. And when I didn't interact, they got the point. Well, she's gonna interact when she's done. When my headphones came off, what did you need? They got it. Okay, cool. Now it's a thing. They see me butt on Chase, leave her alone for 15 minutes. Yep.

SPEAKER_01: 23:55

This is a good episode.

SPEAKER_00: 23:56

I think it's very much needed for the holidays.

SPEAKER_02: 23:58

Yeah. Absolutely. And I think we've touched every aspect. And so why not leave on a good moment, right? Why not? Well, thank you both. And uh listeners, take the pause. It's okay.

SPEAKER_00: 24:11

It is. It is okay.

SPEAKER_02: 24:13

Until next time, don't forget your spam.