#PlanToBeYourBest with Chronic Pain

After years of enduring chronic pain, Rick Cram transformed his life by embracing resilience. His story of overcoming a high school football injury and multiple surgeries will inspire you to rethink how you approach life's challenges. We promise you'll gain valuable insights from his “Plan to Be Your Best” program, designed to build resilience and find purpose despite setbacks.

Rick’s journey offers a deep dive into the complexities of chronic pain and the mental fortitude needed to navigate it. As he shares his experiences — from the chaos of mental storms during daily tasks to the therapeutic power of writing — you'll discover practical strategies for maintaining focus and positivity. Through personal anecdotes, like his own knee replacement, Rick reveals how a shift in mindset can turn fear into opportunity, urging you to listen to your internal dialogue and create strategies to manage overwhelming moments.

This episode also explores the power of community and connection in fostering resilience. Rick emphasizes the importance of teaming up with those who understand your struggles, transforming pain into strength and compassion. By celebrating small victories and putting your greatest strengths into action, you'll learn how to be your best self, even amidst adversity. Join us as we explore these themes and visit rickcram.com for additional resources to guide your resilience journey.

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#plantobeyourbest 

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Chapters

• 0:00 Navigating Pain With Resilience Coach
• 6:18 Navigating Chronic Pain and Resilience
• 16:14 Finding Strength and Resilience Through Pain
• 26:53 Building Resilience Through Pain
• 34:56 Building Resilience Through Acceptance and Communication
• 41:00 Empowering Resilience Through Pain

Transcript

Jen: 0:08

Welcome back to my Spoonie Sisters Podcast. Today, I am thrilled to have Rick Cram with us, a resilience coach and speaker. He's someone who truly understands what it means to navigate life's toughest challenges. Through this program plan to be your best as you navigate pain. Rick equips people to strengthen their resilience, find renewed purpose and steer through the storms of chronic pain, grief and more. With nearly 50 years of personal experience managing pain, he brings a compassionate and empowering approach to helping others thrive. I can't wait for you to hear his story and wisdom, so let's dive in. Hi Rick, how are you?

Rick: 0:49

Jen, it's so good to be with you. Thank you so much for this. I've been looking forward to all of our conversation here.

Jen: 0:54

I've been looking forward to it too. I want to just kind of dive in here and talk about your personal journey, Rick. You spent nearly 50 years navigating pain, including intense daily pain. Since your 2019 surgery, Can you share a bit about your personal journey and how it has shaped the work you do today?

Rick: 1:14

Great question. Two words and immediately stand out Shape, because it does shape so many aspects of life Pain, whatever kind of pain anyone is in. And then the work. Those two words shape and work. It is work to get through it, to develop resilience to, you know, and as I think about it, I think back and actually next year next November will be the 50th anniversary of the football injury what started the what basically has been three significant waves of especially difficult, traumatizing pain.

Rick: 1:46

There was the knee injury. It was about two minutes to go at the end of the last game of my senior year of high school football and it was going to be the next to last play I was ever going to play and I was running the ball around to the right and I got tackled in a way it's actually an illegal tackle by a player who was absolutely furious. As he was coming at me, he sort of had the angle on me and I could see there were fire in his eyes. In fact, the whole team was upset. They had only won one game all season. We were beating them fairly badly and he was angry and he took it out on me with this particular tackle, flipped me over backwards in a way and my left leg whiplashed into the ground.

Rick: 2:25

It was about that was November, I think it was March or April of the following year had the first surgery and that began this first of the three waves, the surgery they needed to remove most of the meniscus some bone chips. It didn't work. In fact the problem that precipitated was that my kneecap. Every time I would start to bend and straighten my knee. Through the course of the next year my knee kept tracking back and forth and it doubled in size. So I ended up needing a second surgery, which didn't work, then a third over the course of basically about two years or so, and that first wave I wasn't ready for it. I wasn't prepared and I didn't expect anything to go like this. I didn't expect to experience the kind of pain that I had.

Rick: 3:11

But the third surgery put me in a fairly good place, other than being at 20 years old and in a state where my knee is now fully arthritic no meniscus, already a lot of work on it, but it did give me about 10 years or so of ability to do all right. And then it went south again for what ended up being the fourth, fifth and sixth surgeries in my late 30s, when I was about 40. The third wave was about 20 years later, 2019. My knee went south again the total knee replacement I had back at the age of 40, it needed to be partially revised. The trouble with that was that the surgery fixed some things but has left it in a state of trauma and so the work. When you think about them, as I reflect on the shape to your question, it shaped me dramatically. Each of those three waves and the work that I needed to do has had a profound effect on my life. It's changed me in more ways and it's continuing to change me.

Jen: 4:16

Wow, that's a lot to go through, so that's what it is.

Rick: 4:19

It is a matter of going through it and virtually every aspect of the plan to be your best as you navigate pain is about how to go through it. You might say, from the trenches of daily pain this is how to go through it. Refill your sails over and over again. It's about building resilience and I'd love to talk about that but then be able to do the things that pain takes away from us. It hijacks our focus, saps our energy and frustrates our health, even to the point of depression.

Rick: 4:45

One of the patterns that I've observed since the surgery number seven is that basically every week I get a little active, the pain increases, I go down into the pit, then I sort of cloister myself and my place for a few days to come out of the pit and then it starts all over again. I've been trying to disrupt that pattern for the past six months or so. But it's so many things, jen. It's a learning experience and in fact, I believe one of the ways to go through it is to be a perpetual learner. There's always something more to learn about how you're experiencing, how to be resilient, how to look at the ways that all right. How can I win back that focus spark new positive energy and fuel for my hope over and over again.

Jen: 5:35

Most definitely because I think it takes so much from us. It robs us of the future and the life that we have envisioned for ourselves. Next, I want to ask you about this Plan to Be your Best, your program. It emphasizes on resilience and purpose. Can you walk us through the core principles of Plan to be your best and how it can help people manage through their pain?

Rick: 5:57

Very good. In fact, that's what, to a great extent, it is about managing it. And before I get into two different things the eight domains of resilience and the three steps of resilience, this is a methodology that basically has. It's about how to go through the pain, how to process the two primary sources of pain.

Rick: 6:18

The pain that I experience is and it's different in this wave compared to when I was 40 or when I was 20, I get instant blasts of agony and over time, over the course of maybe a couple of months or so, I'll experience well over a dozen different kinds of pain sensations, and one of the stressors that I deal with is not knowing exactly when I'm going to get the next blast of pain.

Rick: 6:46

I consider myself rather fortunate that only once a month or so I experience constant pain, but it's generally different blasts of pain that can be as bad as dozens a day or even a dozen or more an hour, and so, to a great extent, the idea of the principles of how to process that, how to process the primary pain and by the secondary sources of pain that's what's happening up here and it's what's happening in here. There's the primary physical pain, but there's also the mental distress, the emotional distress, even the grieving. Grieving is actually a constant part of this journey, which I am practicing. Saying more and more often is not a journey of pain but of a journey of resilience. So it helps to do that.

Jen: 7:32

Okay. So I guess my next question would be do you feel like you've gotten better through time of describing what the pain is like? Because when we go to the doctor they ask okay, what kind of pain is it? Is it a stabbing, is it a burning? Has it gotten easier for you to describe these pains as you've gotten to know yourself better? That's a great question.

Rick: 7:51

I'm a professional communicator, background in marketing, communications, leadership, development, engaging audiences, and so how I communicate it to myself is where I begin, and also communicating it to others, I will admit, as I've been working on the book and I hope to have the manuscript done by the end of this year. It's been a tough process because expressing it all is, for me, revisiting a lot of the. Basically there's three different pillars of trauma, if you will. That I've experienced and continue to work through, and sometimes I'll start to write, sit down and I think I'm going to have a good hour of productive writing. Less than five minutes into it I have to get up and just walk away from it because it's too upsetting.

Rick: 8:34

But even yesterday, if I may, I was journaling and actually, to your point, one of the most important ways to process this is to express it all. Express the physical pain, express what's going on in the mind, express what's going on in the heart and in your soul. To any degree that we keep it in it's going to cause more pain. There's a friend of mine, dr Mark Hicks, who said pain is actually a healer, and he's right. But you have to do the hard work of going through it if I may, and this might be too much information, but yesterday I was journaling and I finally put down in pen and I actually use my notes in my iPhone to journal a lot of what I'm thinking through. And I did it and I'll share it with you to the extent that I can just remember it off the top of my head. It's a description of what the pain is like, what the pain journey is like.

Rick: 9:24

I am writing it for the book I'm not actually sure if I'll include it yet, but it's also a way to let people know I get it. If you're in pain, I see you and I know it's hard. And I also wrote it to illustrate one way to use the three steps of resilience. Can I share it with you?

Jen: 9:40

Absolutely. I'd love that.

Rick: 9:41

So I wrote. For starters, if you see me in the supermarket which I go to, maybe once lately, once a month, anytime I get out of here the pain begins. You'll see me holding onto the cart, plain face, standing upright, maybe just a hint of a limp, but you'll see me walking ultra slow. For someone who used to run track and the sprints that slow walking is a form of pain in its own. But if you see me you might see me flinch.

Rick: 10:06

All of a sudden I'm sort of curling over my handles of the grocery cart and you're not sure what's going on. Then you watch me as I'm walking and you've got a special vision and your vision starts to focus in and zoom in on my mind. You're able to look inside and what you see is a tempest. It's a wild storm over the ocean. The waves are thrashing 30 feet tall, the wind is wild. It looks like the worst storm that isn't even survivable. But there's two aspects to that storm. Sort of like when a tornado starts, it's two different forces of weather coming together, one warm and one cold, and that starts with the unstable air that starts the tornado and that cyclone of thought and pain in response to never knowing when that next blast of pain is coming, or in response to the blast of pain. You're able to see in my mind that storm going. But the two different parts of it is one I am fighting to survive and the other is I'm fighting to thrive. And you're trying to figure that out as you watch me walk to the checkout counter.

Rick: 11:11

I say hello to the woman behind the cash register. I say hello to the young man who's going to put my groceries in the bag. Then they say hi, and all of a sudden I disappear from their view. I'm getting up off the floor because I got another shot of pain. And then I stand up to see them looking at me with the horror in their faces of the horror that I'm experiencing. But I sort of, with a small smile, say one too many knee surgeries. And the young man and this is actually something that happened the young man says sort of with this perplexed, but this look of awe on, he said there must be quite a story there. And so I ended up getting everything like pay for my groceries. They hand me the cart, I look at them and say thank you, you're the best. And then I walk out feeling good that I was able to say something positive in that moment.

Rick: 12:01

It's really, really hard for me, jen, to be in pain in front of other people. But as I leave the grocery store here's where my mind goes, even as that tempest starts to sort of swirl again, I'm thinking all right, I'm going to go home, I'm going to lift some weights, even if it's only for five minutes, because that completely creates that shift, it completely wins back. My focus, sparks new positive energy and fuel for my hope. I've got a total gym machine here. After having a chance to work out with Chuck Norris many years ago on his total gym machine, I had to go buy one for myself, and it's still great today. But then the other thought is this Maybe, as I'm heading home, I'll work out, but then I'll get some more work done on the book. I've got a purpose. That's what that journal entry was. And that's what if I leave here and sometimes I don't need to leave. It's a daily journey of stories like that.

Jen: 12:46

I think so many people can relate to that and I really truly appreciate you sharing that, because so many people walk through their day feeling like that, feeling alone and afraid to talk about it, and we need to talk about it.

Rick: 12:58

So true, there are numerous ways, or at least a handful of ways, to express it. Having a background in marketing and media, pick a media. Maybe it's talking out loud to yourself, maybe it's writing a journal, maybe it's calling a friend or getting together with someone on a regular basis, where you can speak it out or record it into your phone. The more you express it, the more you're actually then processing it and going through it in a healthy way.

Jen: 13:24

The emotional impact. With chronic pain, it often creates that cyclone of thought and emotion like you just talked about. And how do you help individuals break free from this cycle and begin to regain and focus and feel that hope?

Rick: 13:37

So so much is about hope, and let me say this I'll probably say it a couple of times that anytime you're in pain, or I'm in pain, or for those of you who are listening to this, you are one of your greatest sources of hope. Because you've got two things in you, two innate qualities that make it possible for you to become more and more resilient. That's the innate ability to be intentional, and the other is to be your best to take action and follow through. And the first step, what I do with people, is go through the eight domains of resilience. I was actually asked by a major corporation to develop this for their top 50 managers 12 years ago, when they were actually in a form of pain. They were saying we don't know how to lead ourselves and our teams through this challenging time, and not knowing how to do something is actually even a source of pain as well. But I walked people through these eight domains of resilience and in each one they create building blocks. And, for example, the very first one plan and best are acronyms for these eight. The first one is P stands for prepare, one part of the. There are three pillars in this, but one of the main emphasis or the essence of it is to focus on something that also pain can hurt, and that is our sense of self.

Rick: 14:54

There are people who have come to me, actually over the past 20 years, who have said the same thing in their own way, and I've heard it a lot lately, especially through COVID I don't know who I am anymore and I don't know what to do about it. Pain, whatever the source of pain might be, shakes our sense of self, and so before we actually really move forward into any kind of establishing a plan or a pattern of new ways to create positive change in ourselves, is to think about who we are and also our values. When people come to me and say I don't know who I am and I don't know what to do about it, actually there's a part of me that is excited. Number one, because they've voiced it, they've identified a real need and I know there's something that they can do about it and to see that transformation take place. Sometimes it's really just a combination of a matter of minutes and two things questions, the right questions and the right kind of conversation. Look at the questions. Basically there are three of them. What about you? To re-anchor who you are, to start that process of winning back that sense of self and seeing value in yourself. What about you is true? Secondly, what about you is good and what about you is unchangeable?

Rick: 16:15

When pain is overwhelming, whatever the source of pain you know we've got 20% of the US population are experiencing chronic pain. 57% say they are experiencing some form of paralysis because of their excessive stress levels. There's all kinds of people in pain and many of them are saying to themselves that same question or that same statement I don't know who I am. I don't know what to do about it. Remembering what's not changeable about you, what means there's a pillar of strength there, and spending some time talking through those questions Time and time again. I see there's a pillar of strength there and spending some time talking through those questions time and time again.

Rick: 16:53

I see there's one particular woman who said this when I was speaking to a group and leading them through some of the plan to be your best steps. She was very honest and said exactly that I don't know who I am. Less than half an hour later, she was actually sitting up straight. She had been writing down and actually not only talking to me but also pairing up with and talking to the person next to her thinking through those three questions what about me is good, what about me is true, what about me is unchangeable? And you could see in her even the tone of her voice. You could hear that pain in her when she's made that honest comment. But then you could see. I see who I am and that's the foundation to go on to take the next step. Then she was ready to go to the next domain, which is the listen domain. To listen to part of it has to do with listening to that monologue in the head.

Jen: 17:44

Absolutely. I think the monologue is everything right it really is.

Rick: 17:48

There are a couple of quotes that come to mind. I can't recall who said these, but one is what worries you masters you, isn't that true? And the other is what you think of. What you focus on is what you experience, and so, to a great extent, as we go through the listen and then each of the next of the eight domains of resilience, we're honing in on creating new ways of focus, changing our focus, and, to a great extent this might be hard for a lot of people to hear, especially if you're in pain these are choices and might be part of you know. Here's what I'm thinking.

Rick: 18:29

Sometimes it can be hard for people in pain and I've experienced this to reject hopeful thoughts, possible things that can possibly work or help, even if it's just with the mental distress and the emotional distress, but to a great extent, and even to think that these are choices. It might be hard to hear, but there are. Under this umbrella, there are things that you can control, there are things that you can actually work through in positive and encouraging ways. That shows what's possible, and it's a matter of sometimes making small changes, sometimes making some significant changes, such as perspectives. There was a time I often tell this story about a month before my total knee replacement, sitting at my desk at an ad agency, and I remember thinking. I remember the lighting in the room. It was such a powerful moment that I said to myself this is the worst thing that's ever happened to me. And then I caught myself. I said no, I'm going to reframe, and actually reframing is one of the important skills I reframed it to. This is one of the best things that I'm going to experience Best because it's going to give me this total new replacement. It's going to give me the relief that I so desperately need, and I'm going to look at it in a different way, as opposed to something that's happening to me. It's what I'm going to experience, which gets to the core of one of the aspects of this.

Rick: 19:47

There's this, like you were talking about that cyclone of thought. That's a fight. When I get a shot of pain, I just seize up. My whole body flexes tight. My mind is flexing tight in a fight against the pain and how I'm experiencing it. So going with the flow is one of the things that we practice and that's one of the. Sometimes it's a small change, such as a perspective. Sometimes it's a more of a complete 180 degree turn. I need to think about this differently and approach it differently, or at least try.

Jen: 20:17

It's true we do. We have to at least try, because if we sit there in that moment and we let it take over, that's our future.

Rick: 20:25

Right. So that's also your now. That pain, that storm, that tempest, that cyclone is in the now, but resilience is also in the now. It's what you do, what you choose to do, and part of the one of the best parts of the plan to be your best steps is when you get to the now domain of resilience being in the moment and doing it at a time when you can relax, take some deep breaths, when you're not overwhelmed with the pain, and be not only in the current moment but a future moment and think about and even make a list of the things that can be your go-to items when the pain is overwhelming again, for example.

Rick: 21:04

I do this regularly and I've got over 24 different things on my go-to list, some things I've tried and haven't worked, but I've identified actually more than two dozen things that do work, so that when I get a shot of pain and I'm really, it might be a seven, eight or nine or even, once in a while, it's a 10 on a scale of 10 and it's terribly debilitating. I must admit I'm a lion of intentionality like I've never been before, jen, and I just described the severity of the pain in a way that I haven't said before. I usually pick my words more carefully to be not choose words that are negative or have some kind of negative judgment or perspective on it. But the pain hits. I immediately go to those three steps of resilience, and I've already had the benefit of knowing what I need to do in that second step because I've created that go-to list of things that wins back the focus, sparks new energy and helps me move forward.

Jen: 22:21

Wow, you have such incredible tips. I feel like we could. We could easily record hours of conversation.

Rick: 22:29

So I hope to finish the book by the end of this year, get it published next year. But I'm never going to stop writing this book because as long as I'm in pain and having this, no doctors have been able to come up with the solutions. I'm working with a new pain management doctor since May. Virtually everything has either backfired or simply not worked. But I never give up hope. And there are other things. This is a remarkable time for those of you who are in pain. Don't give up hope, and there are other things. This is a remarkable time for those of you who are in pain. Don't give up hope. There are new things. Some of them are not even in the US yet, but we live in a remarkable time regarding medical advances and technological advances. So one of my next steps will probably be to see a couple of doctors.

Rick: 23:10

I won't get into the nature of it because it's hard to talk about, but one of the things that I learned, if I may, when I went back to see my orthopedic surgeon the one who's done several surgeries, including the last one and to hear him say I'm sorry, there's nothing I can do. I was begging, truly begging, after a battery of tests that he was going to tell me that I had an infection in the implants, the titanium implants, because that would have meant, all right, there's a solution here, there's something that can be done. But he said, for the first time, surgery is not an option. And I was, I'll tell you. I left and as I was walking down the hall and out to my car, I literally said to myself well, this is me, onto my demise. The pain was so bad and still is there. I go again. I don't usually use the word bad, but I ended up driving and away from that and I just bawled within a minute driving down the road.

Rick: 24:05

But I had a plan.

Rick: 24:06

I got home and I sat down, opened up my plan document on my computer and I went through the combination of a couple of the different domains of resilience, including that now one, and, as I started to create, add some new things to my go-to list.

Rick: 24:20

All of a sudden now I'm focused on not just the now where I'm calming down, looking at what I can control. My cortisol lowers my stress, lowers the stress in my throat and my shoulders, where I carry stress physically they relaxed. But I'm also, in a future moment, thinking about, all right what I'm going to do and think about. While the goal of getting 90% pain-free again is not in the cards, that day, I start to shift to the focus of process-oriented goals how I'm going to go about doing this. And there's something about being in that now domain, in that now moment, that you're mindful about now, but also the future, and in a way, you're transcending time. There's even a peacefulness to it and a revitalization, because you're focused on things that you can control and that you know what you can do in the future, which is a source of hope.

Jen: 25:17

Absolutely. What do you think is your top three in your toolkit of your go-to list in these moments?

Rick: 25:25

So you'll hear this from Michael J Fox and others it's to have an attitude of gratitude. When you're focused on gratitude, as some have said, and I've experienced time and time again, there's room for no other thought. I was driving down the road a couple months ago and driving is tough because the vibrations in the car immediately. And I was on my way to see a client and I'm trying to get into the mindset. I've been meeting with them. I've actually been a client for many years. They know of my pain. They see me in pain in our meetings.

Rick: 25:59

I had a huge shot of pain and I said to myself the thought that I genuinely believe and I said to myself this is a gift and it is a gift. And in that moment I was able to relax my shoulders and I felt the stress leave my throat, my neck. It's a gift because I get to experience this pain, but I also get to experience what it's like to be uniquely qualified to live out this purpose. This is one of the things that's really evolved. Through these different, three significant waves of this journey, those three different areas of surgeries and waves of pain. My purpose is more defined than ever and it is simply this to equip and encourage people to plan to be their best as they navigate pain and, in turn, if they want to become equipped to be, like me, uniquely qualified to do this. And that's my hope that the book will help create this ripple effect of people becoming more resilient and finding ways that this can help people.

Rick: 26:53

You know I have a heart for people in prison. I have a heart for teenagers who are in pain like me. When you're not ready, you're not prepared, and your brain, our brains, aren't even fully developed at that part, that stage of life the frontal lobe, which actually has a lot to do with how you're processing and how you're planning. So there's one of the three sources of trauma. Is what I experienced then and still in tune with it's got me thinking.

Jen: 27:23

We often have people ask us what would we change? What would we take away? How would we like our lives to be better? Right, but going through these kinds of things, they make us better, stronger and more compassionate people and and it's given you such a gift to be there for others in such a way that you wouldn't be there for them without it.

Rick: 27:43

I'm not sure if I actually asked your answer to your question about the three things, and because this is part of this is part of that trauma experience. When I get to talking about this, like writing the book, it's not easy and my mind will certainly veer off and take a journey in a different direction, like I think I just did. But to answer your question about three things, let me describe the three steps of resilience. Number one tune in. Second step is plan. The third is to be your best, and we tune in especially after having the benefit of practicing this and creating a foundation, if you will, by going through the eight domains of resilience. When you tune in, you're better able to do one of the things that you need most if you're in pain, and it's to understand. And if you understand yourself, understand your needs, understand everything from triggers to what your values are and what your purpose is, you can make that tune in step rapid, really quick, and then move to. The second is to plan. But you've already done the planning in advance. So when you get to that painful question now, what do I do? You've already identified, even if it's five, six or 10 different things. You can pick one and then you be your best. Your best is to follow through, take action on it, and it's always going to be number one thought that you follow through on and emotion that you pick and follow through on, or something physical or, ideally, a combination of two or three of those, the optimum pivot to win back your focus, to spark that new energy and fuel for your hope, and to go bring in the pain and all that hurts and all that's with it, bring it along, move it forward into the future. Moment, for example, I get a blast of pain and it might be the first time in some minutes or an hour, even a couple of hours, I can rip through those three steps really quickly and pick something. All right, I identify what I need, I tune in, I pick something I'm going to do and then I follow through on it.

Rick: 29:42

But if the pain is stretched over time and more elevated and overwhelming, or if the intensity of the pain is greater, doing those three steps of resilience to bounce back again, each in the moment, needs to be repeated over and over again, even when it might be hours. Sometimes there can be very low days. But repeatedly doing it, practicing it, you'll see it does kick in. And then it's important, if I may, to do one more thing. That is, to celebrate each victory, no matter how small. A good friend of mine said she's Dottie Beltran in England. She's a neuroscientist and a leadership coach and she said neurons that fire together, wire together.

Rick: 30:25

It's so important to, when you're going through something tough, to recognize those good moments where you are resilient, celebrate it, make that a positive neuron experience, if you will. It's going to help make it build in you two qualities, if I can add two more qualities to this conviction and wisdom. These two things come out of going through not just trying to be your best as you navigate pain, but your own journey through the pain and the resilience. You have a more conviction and intentionality. You feel more deeply stronger about wanting to survive and thrive. And then there's the wisdom You've gained so much wisdom about yourself, about what resilience looks like to you. And one of those falters, let's say the conviction falters, there's enough wisdom to pull you up. If the wisdom falters, let's say the conviction falters, there's enough wisdom to pull you up. If the wisdom falters, the conviction is enough to pull you back up. So that's a little bit more about so those were finally answered your question. I think three, three things to do and I hope that helps.

Jen: 31:26

Oh, I love it. So you've worked with countless people facing grief, stress, job loss and all kinds of other challenges. What's a story or a moment that stands out to you as a testament to the power of resilience?

Rick: 31:38

When I see someone and I know of a few people like this they've experienced the worst loss you can imagine. However you want to picture that, go ahead and they've gone through it and gone through it to the point where they are now leading their own support groups or they've started a charity that are helping women in Uganda, for example what hurts so much and continues to be a source of grieving in their lives and they turn it for good and plan to be your best as you navigate. Pain is one of the ways there are multiple ways to do this, but it's one of the ways to do that. Let me think if I can share a specific story with you. I keep everyone confidential. We'll say a common question is this and someone asked me this recently so how do I get my mind off the pain and onto something else? There's that challenging but really wise question how and we talked and went through some of the things that we're talking about, some of the some other things that are very personal for this, this person and this is this is key. One of the beauties about the plan to be your best approach is that it's very personal.

Rick: 32:47

Your, your resilience is going to be different than mine. Everyone was going to have their own resilience, but the more we talked through, this person tried some of these things, put them into practice, being best, she was following through and taking action on it. And then there's that response that comes afterwards. It might be a few days, or it might be actually sometimes even hours later, or maybe it's another week or so it goes by. This person came back to me, I think, the next day, and said you know, I'm feeling so much better. And I'll say you know, there's some people, there's some practitioners who say that their different approach to being resilient mindfulness and so forth can reduce pain, and I'd like to think that it does that for some people. There are some people who are experiencing physical pain where the mindfulness alone does not reduce it that kind of, even to say whatever degree. It's a victory for this person. There is a smile in the voice, there's this new confidence in the voice that is resilience.

Jen: 34:25

I could not agree with you more there. Okay, I know we've talked about this, but if there's anything you want to add to it, on days when your pain feels overwhelming, what personal strategies do you rely on to stay grounded and motivated? There are a number of things and actually strategies do you rely on to stay grounded and motivated.

Rick: 34:37

There are a number of things, and actually some of them are on my go-to items Expressing. I keep it in and I know what it's like to be bitter. I know what it's like to be angry, especially as I was in my 30s going through four, five and six Strategies include. Let me actually think about this. It's an excellent question. When it comes to strategies, it is number one. Expressing it, applying the three steps of resilience over and over and over again. One of the things that I find helpful is, as much as it's challenging to write the book, it's part of my pain management strategy caring for other people who are in pain, whatever the source of pain, whether it's physical grieving or it's just excessive stress. The more I care for them, help them, the more if that effort that I make flows right back to me, very familiar with the quote by Booker T Washington, who said if you want to lift up yourself, try lifting up someone else. And it's true. It's true, there's neuroplasticity at work there. Those are a few strategies, but I would say you could look at each of the eight domains and within each one, merge new strategies.

Rick: 35:45

One, the B in BEST stands for bold and it's pseudo. How should I say this? It's right, and it comes after the now strategy where you've done some planning for the future. Being bold is really about how to be assertive. To be assertive to take action. Understand what triggers might hold you back, just like I was referring to some triggers that squelch my trying to write the book. But being assertive means a few things. One is respect To respect. Have respect for the pain Fully respect the fully human way that you're reacting to it mentally, emotionally, spiritually and also have respect. Another one is for your need for your respect, that you have a right to say something, to voice it. However, you feel like you need to Respect what planning can do. This is what we've talked about. So that's another example of how, from the different domains of resilience, different strategies will emerge More.

Rick: 36:43

If I may, this one's big the A in plan stands for accept, and it's not just about accepting the pain or the situation or your perspectives. There are two key questions in the accept domain. One is what do you need to acclaim? What about you? Now you really embrace and say, yes, I accept this about myself good qualities. Then there's sort of this flip question to it what do you need to shed? And when we explore that question whether it's in someone's personal life or in business there's always an answer. It might be I need to shed a particular way of thinking. You've heard me talk about how intentional I am with my words. There are certain words and perspectives that I shed or, if they surface, know how to quickly answer them with a more positive thought.

Jen: 37:32

That is a really good point. We all have something that we need to shed, whether we want to admit it to ourselves or admit it to anyone else, and sometimes we need to dig deep within ourselves to find out what that is and work on it.

Rick: 37:46

Right, there's that word again. That's a good word, jen. It's an important word Work. It is work, but it's good work, it's good work.

Jen: 37:54

It's worth it in the end. Many of our listeners they live with chronic pain or autoimmune diseases or both. What's one actionable step they can take today to begin strengthening their resilience?

Rick: 38:06

Well, I will actually offer two things. One is start communicating more to pick a medium and start writing things down, finding a way to express Some people. Actually, there've been times when I've even written poems. There's this beauty that happens when you get it out. Last year I came across in some old files something I had written over 30 years ago. My firstborn son died the day he was born and I was grieving that and I wrote maybe a few weeks after that about the grieving process, something that was both about the grieving but also about the hope of how I'm going to go through this. I found that last year after not seeing it probably for well over maybe 15 or 20 years and it was handwritten, and to read that again it was transformational about the way I'm grieving still grieving the loss of Warren. It's a small example of how significant it can make a difference. So I looked at that, I read what my thoughts were then and I'm now looking at it from a different perspective. And that can happen if you write something down now and then look at it just a week later. All of a sudden, what came out from what might have been something seemingly like a ping pong ball? Thoughts bouncing back and forth. There's this clarity that comes out of it. That's one thing. So, for people who are in pain, if I may tell a quick story, this illustrates something really important for us all.

Rick: 39:35

Some weeks before my sixth knee operation, again, I went to the hospital for a meeting in the boardroom. Actually, the hospital is a client of mine and the ad agency that I was with. This time I'm going there not because of any business. I go to the boardroom and I walk in. There's this very long table with about 15 to 20 people sitting all around it. At the top of the head of the table, over to my left here, there was a nurse and a physical therapist. The one thing we all had in common was that we're about to get a total knee replacement. The nurse spends time thinking all right, what are they sharing with us? Basically preparing us. There's that prepare strategy again, preparing us for what to expect going into the hospital, going into the surgery room, coming out of that and the whole experience.

Rick: 40:17

The physical therapist then talked for a while about the importance of physical therapy, how it would start the day after the day of your surgery, and they passed around samples of the prosthesis and the physical therapist ends with a rather surprising question so how many of you play tennis? She asked all of us, several people at the other end of the table raised their hand hadn't been able to play for years, and she says so. How many of you play tennis? She asked all of us, several people at the other end of the table raised their hand hadn't been able to play for years, but then she says so how many of you plan on playing tennis after you're totally a replacement? A few people raised their hands. So she promptly said for those of you who are stupid enough to go back to playing tennis, you have to only play doubles and add two phrases to your tennis vocabulary. One is nice serve and the other is that's yours.

Rick: 40:59

More of a story. When things change, especially when they're tough, team up with somebody. So that's one of the things to do. If you're in pain, you might be feeling more alone. We've got this loneliness epidemic, unfortunately. But especially if your loneliness has peaked, connect with someone, and especially someone who knows how to listen, knows how to understand and help you be your best. And so the other parts of that was add some new vocabulary to your tennis vocabulary or in life and in your dealing. Think of new ways of and, like you were saying, use new strategies and new phrases to your life of vocabulary, a life of resilience and your vocabulary of resilience, and make this a journey that's more, much more about the pain and all that comes with it. Make it about your best because, as you'll read and see and hear from me so many times, your best is greater than the pain.

Jen: 41:56

That's beautiful. That's really well said. What do you hope to achieve through your work and what message do you want to leave for those navigating pain and uncertainty?

Rick: 42:05

My hope is really a fulfillment of my purpose to reach as many people as I can through the book, through one-on-one meetings, through speaking to help share these stories and these strategies and skills. It really is a matter of applying them. That is where the rubber meets the road, as they say, and to a great extent, one of the greatest benefits I'd love to see is that so many people realize that because of their pain journey and because of their journey to become resilient, they're uniquely qualified to be more encouraging to others. I think in society and families that will be more fulfilling. That would be what my hope is.

Rick: 42:48

And then, when it comes to a message for I'll go back to what we were talking about earlier that, Jen, you are your greatest source for hope, or at least one of your greatest sources for hope for any challenge that you ever face, and I hope they are few and far between, but if you're in pain, remember you are one of your greatest sources of hope because of your abilities, the way you're uniquely and wonderfully made to be able to be intentional and to be your best.

Rick: 43:14

And I'll probably conclude with this thought this point about this is that what your best means you can look online and look that up, Google, and you'll get dozens of websites that have 20, 30 different things to do to be your best. But it really comes down to these three things, your greatest strengths in action. And by that I mean they're great strengths because they're exceptional. Only you can do them, as you would do them, and they're good for yourself and they're good for others. And they're strengths because it's something that you have in you and things you probably even enjoy working on and continually build on them. And then, in action, we're only our best in the now, when we're putting these things in action. So put your greatest strengths into action.

Jen: 44:03

Finally, how can listeners connect with you and learn more about Plan to Be your Best?

Rick: 44:08

Thank you. Hopefully, god willing, I'll never forget or God help me if I ever forget my website it's rickcramcom, and people can learn more about me and the Plan to be your best as you navigate pain Also plan to be your best as a resilient leader. This is something I'm going to be bringing forward too, and on the homepage of my website there's a free download. You have a fillable PDF. It's for free, download it and it's got the prompts to go through the three steps of resilience. You can use it again and again, make multiple copies on your computer or print it out, and anytime you are identifying a need or something's overwhelming, go through them and you'll experience that firsthand, winning back your focus, sparking new positive energy and hope for moving forward and beginning a new pattern. Could talk another whole hour, jen, about pattern, but it creates a new pattern of thought and action and strengthening, being your best. So I invite you to both contact me.

Rick: 45:06

I'm a holder of hope for you and a PDF I know will make a positive difference in your your, your moments and your days.

Jen: 45:14

It absolutely will, and I'm going to challenge listeners right now. Go check it out, go do the work. You know it's worth it and thank you so much for your time. I hope we can have you back. I am already thinking of a million questions I have for you.

Rick: 45:29

Jen, you're the best. Thank you so much.

Jen: 45:31

Thank you and listeners until next time. Don't forget your spoon.